Let's Act Like It

Today the United States Supreme Court ruled that same-sex marriage is now legal and should be recognized in every state of the United States. As a Christian, I believe a certain way and that would ultimately go against legalizing same-sex marriage BUT.... my job as a Christian is not to inflict pain on others because we feel and believe differently. My job is to show love to every person around me. My job is to pray for my enemies... and my enemies are not gay people. They are usually Christians that are rude and nasty to people just because they think they are better somehow.  I love people... I don't take personal issue with whom they decide to sleep with. I think that if we could leave the judgments to the judge (God)... we would all be in a better place with one another.

What I DO take a HUGE stand on is racism. I am not talking about the little jokes here and there from people that you hear from time to time.... I am talking about the people that are standing on stages in public calling for the killing of someone just because of the color of their skin. I do not hold deep beliefs for my race. I hold deep beliefs for human beings. I wish it were different.... but it just isn't. 

God made us all.... we all sin... we all need Jesus... let's act like it.

No Worries

Ray

Get The Hammer

There are some people that drive me crazy. They don't drive me crazy because of their personality or the "way" about them. They aggravate me because they are literally pathological in their lies. You tried to nail me to a wall? Well, I got a hammer too... but with truth.

There is a certain "man" that fabricates stories to fit his agenda. He gets a small  (tiny) portion of truth and then adds a ton of twists and turns to give himself the opportunity to be seen as a victim. He refuses to take responsibility for anything he's ever done and then he lies to make things appear differently.

The worst part is he is an officer of the law. This officer also called Child Protective Services on me. (It is called DCF in Florida...) It was very embarrassing for everyone involved but thankfully, it was all lies so the case is already closed.
Next up? I will try to prosecute him to the full extent of the law. I will not be bullied by a "normal" individual... forget being bullied by someone that is intentionally slandering and defaming my name and character.

God... I pray that You help me to forgive... because right now, I don't feel like it.
No Worries
Ray ❤

PS... This guy has NOTHING to do with my daughter OR me... he's just someone that thinks if he pushes hard enough that I will bend. Sorry sucker... in this situation, I'll be an Olympic acrobat! Let's see what I can do WITH THE TRUTH! I don't even need lies.

Be Enouraged

We are almost to the 4 month mark of my dad's death. Between the deep heartbreak and grief from that and the other emotional and financial stresses... 2015 has been a rough ride for me.

Having said that, I will continue to trust God. It is not always an easy task but it is paramount to my survival.

If someone out there is reading this and is going through something so hard, remember this.... trust God. It may seem impossible or fruitless but I promise that it works and will help when nothing else will.

Be enouraged.
No Worries
Ray

Because I Have No Dad.... That's Why.

The grief is bad enough all by itself. The problem that I am having is the people that ask me questions like.... "So exactly what are you crying about?" I always want to scream, "BECAUSE I NO LONGER HAVE A DAD.... NO MATTER HOW GOOD OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS AND FOR HOW LONG IT WAS.... I JUST CRY BECAUSE HE IS GONE." But, do I say that? No... I try to make up an acceptable reason that they may or may not accept or understand. This would be longer but this is all I have to say for now.

Ray

In The Moment

Since my dad's passing, I have learned some pretty difficult lessons. I have learned things that I never wanted to learn. I have felt pain that I didn't know was possible. Having said that, I have also learned some lessons that were meant to learn in my life.

At first, the grief counselor asked me to find positive things about his death. I thought that she was crazy and insensitive. I remember telling her what I thought of her at that moment as well. She didn't waiver or get upset with me. She encouraged me to look for the positive even if it felt impossible. Now that the 2 month mark is almost here, I have found some positive points about the situation... not his death... but the situation that I found myself in after his death.

I have learned that even though I made HUGE mistakes after his death, I also have shown growth and strength as well. I have found a deeper love for people and God. I have found that I stop more often to look at the trees swaying in the breeze... not because I am planning on being a meteorologist... but because I take the time to appreciate the wind and the trees. I appreciate the moment that I am in. Let me be clear... I do not always LIKE the moment that I am experiencing... but I am learning to appreciate that I am still alive to experience it at all.

I love my dad... and miss him terribly. I also love those people that I come in contact with and cherish the time that I still have with them.

Ray 

Pretending

Living without a portion of your heart is ridiculously difficult. I lost my dad on January 22nd and most of the time it feels like my heart will explode. I have made many mistakes throughout this experience.... who am I kidding? I STILL am making mistakes in how I handle certain situations. Sometimes, I pretend that it didn't happen. Then, there are times that I pick my phone up to tell him something or to check on him and I bust out into tears because that moment of the realization that he is not here all over again is excruciating. 

I don't cry in front of too many people. I have began to smile and laugh again.... usually it is not because I feel like it... it is more because it is a requirement to scare away any attention that would require me to explain the pain that I experience on a regular basis.

I am better in my adjustment than I was before.... but I am pretending that I am doing better than what I really am.

I would love to sign off with the NO WORRIES tag line... but it is too soon to even pretend that I am not thoroughly freaked out in my emotions by this whole thing.

I miss you pop... it is with a heavy heart that I type every word.

Love you...

Ray ♥

Eulogy

Dear Dad,

I have written you what seems to be a thousand times this week. I think I know what to say but then it gets all jumbled up and I have to redo it. Then a countless amount of people tell me how I should remember you in a certain way publicly and I wouldn't feel right doing it that way…. Then some say you would want a celebration and no tears but you’re not here to tell me what to do so I guess I can do this however I want. I have always had a rebellious streak in me. So, I am going to go with this…

Some people have dads that they get along with for their entire lives. It’s almost like some fathers and daughters dance through the tulips their whole lives. You and I were definitely not like that. We fought a lot in my younger years. I was always right, of course.

But, as I got older, I realized that there may have been some times that you were right… you just expressed your point in a way that I couldn't understand at the time. As the grandkids got older, I saw a softer side of you. A side that included a nurturing way about you…. A side that included an unconditional loving way about you. In that, the past 5 years or so have gotten a lot better between you and I. We learned how to appreciate one another for who we were instead of trying to change each other.

Many people had those “perfect” dads… but let’s not blow smoke… those dads have their quirks, faults, and failures too. One thing that I can say is that when I was young, you did something for me that many dads do not take the time to do… you taught me to trust God. I did not understand what that meant when you taught that to me. So many things had went wrong in life… but you would just remind me to trust God. Even when I would get mad at God, you would tell me to trust Him… and quite frankly, I thought you were losing it. But, as I have grown to trust God in all things… I am faced with learning this lesson with this situation too. I don’t like it. But, when people ask me, “What would your dad want you to do?” I know your answer… “He would want me to trust God.”

So, we may both have had some rough patches in our relationship… we may have had some times that we felt disconnected… but there will always be the connection in this… you taught me to serve God before anyone or anything else. I am not perfect in that… but, in my eyes, you were perfect for teaching that to me.

I love you…. Always have…. Always will….

Ray

Smaller Portions Is The Trick.... I Think....

I am reading all these books that are making me continually be in an attitude of self-introspection. It makes me look at my motives and intentions. I am trying to do what I can to live my life but somehow, this has been very hard on me. It is difficult to admit fault in any area of my life. I suppose that would be my pride rearing its head up in my life. On the other hand, I do try and change what I can when confronted with something that wouldn’t be pleasing to God. As I read these books, I feel like each book has 10 or more things that I must master or, at the very least, get out of my life completely. I feel like there are many good things that these books can convey but maybe in a smaller portion.

No Worries

Ray

I Know I Know.... But I'm Scared

I am a Christian. As a Christian, I have been taught that I should go to church regularly to "fellowship" with other believers. I have been a Christian for quite some time, so I have been involved in plenty of the church politics that are involved. I have seen people rise from the preverbal ashes and then I have also seen the mighty fall from grace. There was a time in my life that when someone fell, it would rock my faith. I would look suspiciously at all Christians. I felt like everyone was being fake or were hiding some huge secret sin that would ultimately end up hurting me all over again. So, I stayed away. I still read the Bible at home… I still tried to be loving to those around me… I still believed that Jesus died on the cross and rose again…. But the church part was not a part of my life. For a long time, it didn’t bother me at all. I knew all the problems that I was not having to see and be touched by. I knew the negative would not be able to affect me as long as I wasn’t there.

Here’s the problem that I have now. All of a sudden, I am studying to be a psychologist while minoring in Christian counseling. Do you see the problem yet? I want to counsel and help people but those are the exact people that I am afraid to be around! Now, let me be clear… I do not think that it is every Christian. I do not think that it is even MOST Christians… but the ones that screw up REALLY know how to do it well. My major problem is with the Pastors. I am supposed to submit to their authority and I don’t know their personal lives well enough to actually extend any type of trust.

I know, I know…. Just ask God to direct me. I know…. Just go somewhere until I learn about the pastor. I know… just worry about myself. I know… don’t let the past dictate the future. I know I know I know I know…. But it is difficult to tell your heart to open up again.

No Worries

Ray

God Loves Fags

I have many questions floating around in my head. There is one that pops up more than the others though... it is this: Why do people that claim to be "Christian", want to point fingers at other's faults and failures, rather than point at Christ and His saving Grace? A friend on Facebook wrote a little about this recently and it only confirmed that I am not the only one that thinks that this, not only wrong, but unacceptable. When was the last person converted to Christianity by making them feel like dirt? I would like the chapter and verse that would tell the "Christian" to do so.

Though I understand that every Christian is commissioned to preach the gospel... and though many Christians are taught to not tolerate sin-- when has it become the acceptable practice to beat people down with the pointer finger?

Jeremiah loved his people. He loved Judah. But, he loved God more. God told him to say some things that were going to be taken very harshly... but, it didn't stop him from saying them. The difference between him and "Christians" of today is the heart behind what is being said.

Am I the only person that thinks the people on the side of the road that have signs that say "God Hates Fags", are completely ridiculous? Hate the sin... love the sinner. Why is it that we are willing to hate other's sins more than we hate our own? Just because someone is pointing a finger doesn't mean that it puts some invisibility cloak on... so that no one will see theirs. But, it seems to me that these are the people that I keep meeting.

I wonder what would happen if I went on the side of the road and made a sign that said, "God LOVES Fags just like HE LOVES YOU!"..... I bet someone would throw something at me! And when I got up from the ground, I would probably see one of those cute Jesus fishies on the back of the offending car.

No Worries

Ray

You Won't Relent

"You won't relent until you have it all... my heart is Yours."

This is a song originally done by Misty Edwards... but then more recently done by Kim Walker and Jesus Culture. I have had this song on repeat for probably 8 days now. It is the song that plays on my playlist on the bottom of my blog (if you haven't heard it already.)

I keep thinking that God is nuts! What I mean when I say that is that He loves me. There is no reason for Him to. I can't give Him anything that He doesn't already have.... except my heart. So, then I wonder what is so special about that? I know my faults and failures... and there are things about myself that I find disgusting... the way I think about things... the pride... the anger.... there's so many things that are repulsive to me. So, why would a perfect God want a heart like mine? I wish I had all the answers on this subject-- but, I don't.

This post is to just to be transparent and honest... a perfect God shouldn't want any part of me... but He runs after me anyway. He won't relent.... I'm glad He doesn't.... but, it still makes me think.

No Worries

Ray

Just Because The Door Is Open.....

I was on the phone today on the patio out back next to the pool. I looked over at two birds that flew in the open door. It was actually sad. They would be flying full force in a frantic way to try and escape. They would be flying to what seemed to be the way out, yet they would quickly realize that there was a barrier there. Of course, they didn't see the screen... so, they just kept hurting themselves. One actually hit the screen so hard that it bounced back and fell in the pool. I tried to help them but they just kept walking/flying away from me. I went inside and asked for help to get them out... but only Olivia was inside. So, I had her come outside and talked to her for a brief moment about decision making.

See, I always tell Olivia that every decision that she makes will effect another part of her life. This was a perfect opportunity for me to show her what I meant. I was able to show her that the birds flew into an open door and got stuck. The more I thought about it, the more real it became. I looked at those birds like they were idiots-- but then I realized that we are the same way! I looked at the birds and thought, "why don't they just go back out of the place that they just flew into?" But, if you would look beyond the physical circumstance, you will see that we do the exact same thing. We, as humans, walk through doors (different situations) just because they are easy to get into. Then, when we figure out that we don't want to be in that situation anymore... only then, do we figure out that we are stuck. I would bet that if the pool area looked like a trap, they wouldn't have come in. From their vantage point, it would seem like there were plenty of ways out of there. But, they didn't look closely enough. They didn't see the barriers that would hold them captive.

Personally, I have done this many times. I have walked into situations with my eyes wide open- only to find out later that I got trapped in a situation. I wanted to be able to tell the birds to retrace their flight and leave that way... but, instead, I had to take a shirt and throw it on them to weigh them down so they couldn't fly away into another screen. Then, I had to pick it up and release it back out of the door. This part of the situation with the birds reminded me of how hard it is to retrace your steps back to the path you are supposed to be on. Sometimes when one is faced with having to get away from the captivity that they find themselves in-- it is a difficult task to get back to where you are supposed to be.

I wrote all of this to warn myself and others that just because a door is open, doesn't always mean that we are supposed to walk in. If we looked a little closer before throwing ourselves into a situation, we would see that there are barriers that will prevent us from getting out. There will then be a process that we have to go through in order to get out of the situation. (And more times than not, the process will not be a fun adventure.) So, just be careful... and know that I am also telling myself to be careful. I happen to be a very impulsive person that doesn't always think things through... so, I've been stuck MANY times.

You wanna get out? I can only tell you where to start... Psalms 121.

No Worries

Ray

The Holy Bible: King James Version. 2000.

The Psalms

121

The LORD Is Thy Keeper
A Song of degrees.
1	I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2	My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
3	He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4	Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5	The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6	The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7	The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8	The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.