Saturday, October 30, 2010

Hard Questions

I was driving with Olivia the other day and we had one of the strangest conversations that I have ever had with her. It wasn't silent by any means in the car... we were singing... I always love doing that with her. It seems to make all the problems disappear for a little bit at least. So, she asks me to turn the radio down and I oblige her. Then, that's when she asked the question... "Mommy, why are we here?"
Since I have decided to go on my own little journey of self/truth discovery... I haven't really spoken to her about God... or anything spiritual for that matter. I do not want what I believe or not believe to influence her decisions. I am an advocate for letting a child figure some things out by themselves.
Though Olivia is still attending church... she obviously is going to notice some changes in my behavior. But, in no way did I think that she would start asking these kinds of questions.
It was about a minute of silence... she was tapping her finger on the console of the car so I could perceive that she was waiting but was getting tired of doing so... I piped up and asked her what she thought. I asked her what her personal opinion was on the matter and she promptly replied, "Well mommy, if I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, I wouldn't be asking you."
I was going to try and explain... I was going to tell her all the "by-the-book" answers that I have been taught my whole life but I couldn't. I, instead, told her that I wasn't sure exactly. I was honest with her and told her that I am mommy but I do not have all the answers like she thinks that I do.
Ever since then, I have been plagued by the thoughts that I should have just given in and told her about all the things that I have been taught my whole life. I should have told her about Genesis... but, in order for me to be true to my journey... and in order for me to let her form her own opinions so that she doesn't end up like me at the age of 28... I just decided that maybe I did the right thing.
So, is there a moral to this story? I have no idea. There might be one at a later time but I am not too sure if there is one now. I feel a little overwhelmed at this point. I am not sure what is true versus what is false. I am not sure if there is going to be a day that I figure this whole thing out.
There are a couple of things that I DO know though... I love my baby, I want what is best for her, and I wish I knew the answers to her questions. If I did know them, then maybe I wouldn't be plagued with insomnia at this point.
No Worries

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Giving The School The Finger

So, as many people already know, I gave birth to someone that has a very high IQ. Don't worry, I don't take credit for that. I am semi-intelligent when it comes to useless information... but after that, I am a regular ding dong!!
My Livy Lu scored 154 on the IQ test that they gave her last year. (She was 7.) This means that she has a higher IQ than 99.9% of all adults, at the tender age of 7. She is now 8- almost 9 (let's not remind me of this part.) Anyway, she was accepted into the gifted program with open arms. They promised the world to her. Eventually, I found out that the gifted school is funded per child... so, now I know it wasn't technically because they wanted to cultivate her intelligence.
She went into the gifted school last year. They got to take trips every week... they got to participate in studies... they got laptops... they had everything. This year, they received the same treatment in that respect. But, the requirements went through the roof!! She had to do a book report every week... (complete with 12-slide Power Point and clay diorama)... 50 vocabulary words a week (ex: contingency)... Just crazy!!! Recess was also taken away. They treat these kids like little lab rats!! The people in administration told me that they were given opportunities that no one else was provided. They were right... but what about play time? What about these kids only being 8 and 9 years old? They explained the recess problem like this.. "They might not have play time that way... but they get to study forensics now!!"
So, I took my little baby out of there. Those people told me how I was taking her future away... so, I turned and said, "I may be... but you will never be able to say that I took her present away." They had nothing to say to me then.
Moral of the story? Olivia will always be very intelligent. She will always be the apple of my eye. She will always make me smile when I feel like crying... and she will always know that her mommy is more concerned with who she is versus who she COULD be.
No Worries

Sunday, October 3, 2010

My New Like

I was on Facebook this afternoon and got REALLY irritated. I saw one of those "like" statements. You know the kind... if you like the statement you click like and it will post to your profile?
Anyway, I saw one that said, "I do not regret anything... anything that I've done makes me who I am today." Yes, that would draw some type of applause if you were acting in some low budget chick flick... but this is not a movie. I clicked on it and it had THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND+ fans!! This is crazy!
I don't know of one person that should say this statement. Obviously, people are very happy with the way their lives' have turned out. The thing that gets to me is that people TRY and act a certain way (such as pretending that they don't want to change anything they have ever done)-- when they should be full of regret for those things. I think people should take responsibility for the atrocities that they have manufactured in their lives.
It takes a mature person to look at their own life, accept that they have done some REALLY stupid things, admit it, and then learn and change from those things.
I am going to make a new "like" on Facebook... click it if you would like. It will say, "I regret many of the stupid things I have done. P.S. That doesn't make me weak."
No Worries

P.S. Did I just refer to myself as mature? lol
Oops... I regret to inform you that sometimes I AM!!