Friday, April 29, 2011

Letter to Jesus

Dear J,

I needed to tell you a few things. I still love you. You have always been and forever are the man that holds my heart. We spent so much time together in the past. I remember when I would wake up in the morning and you would already have fresh bread waiting for me. I always enjoyed that time that we spent together the most.

I remember when you would protect me from anyone that tried to harm me. You always made sure that I was ok. You made sure that I knew that there was nothing, not even giving your own life that you wouldn’t do for me.

Do you remember when we would sit and talk outside when I sat next to the fire? I know that there were some times that I would drink too much—and even though you didn’t like me to do that, you would still be right by my side. You would still talk me through the rough spots.

I needed to tell you that I am not sure if we can ever be together again… I would like to try, but I don’t think that I am ready right now. I hope that the time comes that we can at least start talking again… then maybe we can communicate enough to rekindle this relationship.

I know that I broke up with you over your family… I don’t think that it was the right thing to do—but I hope that you understand that you have some people in your family that are just nuts. Even though I know and trust that you would have eventually stepped in and set things straight with them… the pressure that they were creating was unbearable. I understand that I didn’t talk to you about it before I left you—but I hope that you understand that I was just trying to save myself before they totally destroyed me.

I am still afraid of what your family can do to someone like me. If the time comes that we both can come together in a relationship, I hope that you can talk to them in a convincing manner and let them know that I am not up for sacrifice. I want them to know that I may not be someone that has been in your life for a long time… but if we get back together, I want you to make it clear that I am just as important to you as they are.

If you want to talk to me about this… you know where I will be. And again, thank you for who you are… because even though I am afraid of being back in a relationship with you… I still love you… and I know that you will always love me too.

Ray Ray