Thursday, March 31, 2011

First Day Of Work

I couldn't sleep the night before my first day. I kept having dreams that my ride didn't show up. I would spring out of bed and be up for a few hours. I finally fell asleep and my alarm went off. I didn't hear it though... not that I remember anyway. My roommate walked in my room about a half hour later and asked when I was getting up. OMG... good thing I set it for WAY before I was supposed to be there.
I jumped out of bed "ninja style" and quickly went to the laundry room. I threw Olivia's clothes in the dryer so that they would be warm when I woke her up. I then scurried across the house to try and find the iron. I ironed my clothes and jumped in the shower. After getting the shampoo in my eyes... I remembered that I forgot to wake Olivia up. "Great... my eyes are stinging out of my head and my daughter is still sleeping."
I quickly rinsed off... forgot to condition my hair... jumped out... dried off... put... on... my.... I LEFT MY CLOTHES ACROSS THE HOUSE!!! (But I didn't have a towel that would fully hide my goodies... so I had to yell for someone to bring them to me.)
After that fiasco, I got Olivia up and brushed my teeth. *Looking down* HOW DID I GET TOOTHPASTE ON MY ONLY WORK SHIRT?? (Note to self: this is why I should brush my teeth in the shower like Rachel Richardson does!!!)
I got it off as well as I could and my ride finally arrived. I kissed Olivia... told her to have a great day and to not miss the bus... and off I went.
I finally arrived at the Wal-Mart at 7:50... I had 10 minutes to breathe before I went in there. My nerves are shot... I am tired... but I have a job. I am here! I am here! I am here!
I spent the next 8 hours staring at a computer screen. I listened to audio and video clips for a wide range of topics. It showed anything from how to wash your hands... to why Wal-Mart associates don't need to join a union.
My day would seem like it went all wrong... it would seem that things were not on my side from the start... but if you look closer... you will see a genuine smile on my face. I HAVE A JOB!!!
No Worries

Monday, March 28, 2011

Still Fat

I was so excited and full of energy when I was eating correctly and exercising. Now? Ugh...
I lost weight and then went to Baltimore... then came home and was still out of my "groove"... I have gained back all but 5 pounds.
In the journey of weight loss, I was thinking that I would just make the decision and BAM (like Emeril)... I would do it. But, this is NOT how it has turned out.
I have applied at the neighborhood YMCA for a scholarship because I cannot afford to just pay the regular rate.
Why am I disclosing this? Not because I am not embarrassed about it... because I am. But, I know that if I am not honest with myself and others... I will never be able to attain OR maintain my goal.
SOOOO.... there it is... I am still fat... I need to start again... but such is life.
No Worries

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Laughed Until You Cried?? Try Laughing Until YOU PEE!!!

I try not to use public restrooms... for two reasons... #1- I don't want anyone to hear me use the restroom. #2- I don't want to hear anyone else use the restroom.
Fast forward with me now to the local Wal-Mart... I had to go the second I left the house- but since I was not driving, I couldn't turn around. It was about 8pm... we had eaten dinner and now my bladder was VERY ready to explode. I knew I would have to go when I got to the store- but, I was hoping that it would just go away until I came back home.
We pull up in the parking lot and I KNOW that I will have to go while I am in the store... I can't hold it anymore!!! (side note: this has happened to me since I was prego with my daughter.) I calmly walk inside the store... I am not doing any sort of pee dance or anything- but I am behind a woman that looks like she is!!
Of course, my luck, we are BOTH headed to the same bathroom. So, I go to the one ALLLLLL the way on the end... (somewhere in my head, that means no one will hear me pee I guess).... I neatly spread one ply squares of toilet paper on the toilet seat and then I begin to hover. I have to go soooo bad but it seems like my body is being a little shy... it actually HURTS to hold your pee until someone makes a noise.
As I am contemplating when I am going to let the first trickle out... I CLEARLY hear the lady FAKING A COUGH TO COVER UP THE LOUD GAS SHE IS LETTING OUT. If you have ever met me, you know that if I think something is funny-- I WILL LAUGH.
SCCOORREEEE!!! I begin to giggle... almost like someone is tickling me! I tried to stop but I couldn't help but notice that between HER FARTS and MY GIGGLING... NO ONE COULD HEAR ME PEE!!!
The woman then decides that it is a good idea to say, "I'm so sorry... it's just running right through me." I am NO LONGER AMUSED... I continued to giggle a little and said, "We all do it." But, I have to admit that she made me feel strange by speaking to me while she was obviously in a VERY embarrassing moment.
Moral of the story?? Laugh hysterically EVERY TIME YOU GO IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM! (No one will hear you... and you won't hear them!)
No Worries

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Open and Honest

This one might be a little hard for me to actually get out. I am actually on the fence about writing it at all... but, in the light of being forthright and open with who I am... here I go.
I should be happy... I have a daughter that I obviously adore, I just got a job, I do not participate in things that are "bad" for me anymore... keyword- SHOULD.
I have found that the closer I draw the 30 (and no, I will NOT repeat something so profane again) I see that there are things that I wanted to do by now that seem impossible. I have conversations with my daughter and end up upset at the outcome of some of those conversations. I wanted to be married... I wanted to have a career (not just a job).... I wanted to be an author... I wanted to help people on a daily basis... I wanted to have my own home... My own car... I wanted good credit- but hey, I would settle for ok credit at this point. (Which on a side note.. my credit is so bad that I get "pre-declined" credit cards... lol)
I said all of this because these are things that I don't normally talk about to anyone... but I have found that holding it in is not doing well on my emotions... so, here it is. I am not content. I am living a life that I wish wasn't mine. I covet other people's lives... I have no idea how to explain the torture that this feels like.... it is what my life has become.
I see people divorcing all around me... I see people losing jobs... wars starting... faithful becoming faithless... honesty becoming relative to situations instead of it just being the truth... confusion plaguing my and my daughter's mind about religion and all that jazz.... It is everything that I didn't want... and now it is on my doorstep- banging on the door... demanding my attention. I just wish that hope was on my doorstep banging louder.
Take it or leave it... but it is what it is right now.
No Worries

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Good Luck?

So, I went to the interview and it went VERY well. I ended up getting the job... as A BAKER! I have no idea how to bake... so, I am glad they will teach me the in's and out's of the business.
That isn't what I wanted to blog about though... it was after the interview that I wanted to discuss. In order to work for Wal-Mart, you must pass a drug test. Years ago, that would have been a hurdle for me to get over... but present day? Nope.. clean pee here!
I had to go over to the local walk-in clinic and pee in the cup. You have to empty your pockets- they check to see if you have anything in your mouth- they turn the water off... and your not even allowed to flush or wash your hands afterwards until they give you the all clear.
The man was VERY tall... he took my "specimen" and let me wash my hands and get my cell phone. He then said, "Good Luck!"... I looked at him and said, "I don't need luck for this test... I don't do drugs." He looked at me so strange... like I am the only one that has ever taken a drug test and not been worried.
This makes me feel like I should move to an area that is not plagued with drug addicts... I would move next to my friend Christina- but she just posted that she thinks she lives next door to a drug dealer....
All in all... I got a job and I passed a test... ALL IN ONE DAY!!!
No Worries

Sunday, March 13, 2011


I have an interview tomorrow at the local Wal-Mart. I am excited at the prospect of getting this job. I need it more than I can explain in any amount of words. When the manager called me the other day, she asked if I was still interested in the position. I gave a hearty "YES" as if she should have already known how desperate I have become. She then asked me if I would like to schedule an interview and I replied, "Well, we could forgo that process and I would let you hire me over the phone." She seemed to think that was funny (when deep down, I REALLY MEANT IT)... I asked her what I should wear and she seemed a little thrown by that question... so, I calmly told her why I asked... "I asked because I can wear the blue shirt and some jeans and just start on Monday if you would like."
I got another laugh (this time a little more sincere) and she said she liked my sense of humor. I hope that this goes well... because if it doesn't, I don't think I can be an unemployed comedian for long.
No Worries