I am a
Christian. As a Christian, I have been taught that I should go to church
regularly to "fellowship" with other believers. I have been a
Christian for quite some time, so I have been involved in plenty of the church
politics that are involved. I have seen people rise from the preverbal ashes and then I have also seen the mighty fall from grace. There was a
time in my life that when someone fell, it would rock my faith. I would look
suspiciously at all Christians. I felt like everyone was being fake or were
hiding some huge secret sin that would ultimately end up hurting me all over
again. So, I stayed away. I still read the Bible at home… I still tried to be
loving to those around me… I still believed that Jesus died on the cross and
rose again…. But the church part was not a part of my life. For a long time, it
didn’t bother me at all. I knew all the problems that I was not having to see
and be touched by. I knew the negative would not be able to affect me as long
as I wasn’t there.
Here’s the problem that
I have now. All of a sudden, I am studying to be a psychologist while minoring
in Christian counseling. Do you see the problem yet? I want to counsel and help
people but those are the exact people that I am afraid to be around! Now, let
me be clear… I do not think that it is every Christian. I do not think that it
is even MOST Christians… but the ones that screw up REALLY know how to do it
well. My major problem is with the Pastors. I am supposed to submit to their
authority and I don’t know their personal lives well enough to actually extend
any type of trust.
I know, I know…. Just ask
God to direct me. I know…. Just go somewhere until I learn about the pastor. I
know… just worry about myself. I know… don’t let the past dictate the future. I
know I know I know I know…. But it is difficult to tell your heart to open up
again.
No Worries
Ray
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