Dear Dad,
I have written you what seems to be a thousand times this week. I think I know what to say but then it gets all jumbled up and I have to redo it. Then a countless amount of people tell me how I should remember you in a certain way publicly and I wouldn't feel right doing it that way…. Then some say you would want a celebration and no tears but you’re not here to tell me what to do so I guess I can do this however I want. I have always had a rebellious streak in me. So, I am going to go with this…
Some people have dads that they get along with for their entire lives. It’s almost like some fathers and daughters dance through the tulips their whole lives. You and I were definitely not like that. We fought a lot in my younger years. I was always right, of course.
But, as I got older, I realized that there may have been some times that you were right… you just expressed your point in a way that I couldn't understand at the time. As the grandkids got older, I saw a softer side of you. A side that included a nurturing way about you…. A side that included an unconditional loving way about you. In that, the past 5 years or so have gotten a lot better between you and I. We learned how to appreciate one another for who we were instead of trying to change each other.
Many people had those “perfect” dads… but let’s not blow smoke… those dads have their quirks, faults, and failures too. One thing that I can say is that when I was young, you did something for me that many dads do not take the time to do… you taught me to trust God. I did not understand what that meant when you taught that to me. So many things had went wrong in life… but you would just remind me to trust God. Even when I would get mad at God, you would tell me to trust Him… and quite frankly, I thought you were losing it. But, as I have grown to trust God in all things… I am faced with learning this lesson with this situation too. I don’t like it. But, when people ask me, “What would your dad want you to do?” I know your answer… “He would want me to trust God.”
So, we may both have had some rough patches in our relationship… we may have had some times that we felt disconnected… but there will always be the connection in this… you taught me to serve God before anyone or anything else. I am not perfect in that… but, in my eyes, you were perfect for teaching that to me.
I love you…. Always have…. Always will….
Ray
