Which Way Do I Go George?

I have been trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I have been trying to figure out where I am supposed to be doing whatever I am supposed to be doing. Confused yet? Yeah... me too.

I have many people that I have come to know and love in many different places. They are all apart of different walks of life. I want to be able to show them the love of God. I want them to be able to experience His mercy. Here is where my problem arises. I don't know if the church I am apart of is the church that I am supposed to be at. This is not something that I take lightly. I believe that doing the right thing in the wrong place is not something that should be accepted. This also has nothing to do with the leadership or followers there. It is something that I cannot fully explain. I do not feel very needed there. At first, I thought that maybe this was something that I was feeling out of an insecurity. As this feeling did not go away, I prayed that God would tell me some sort of answer. He did not say anything.

Instead of going to the church, I started listening to various preachers online and reading the Bible more extensively for myself. This was and is how I am staying strong. I am not saying that every moment of every day I am 100% spiritually healthy. I am simply saying that if it were not for those two actions, I would have been in really bad shape.

I am now at a crossroads. I am trying my best to do what God wants me to. A question rises up in me though... what if I don't know what He wants me to do? What if I don't know if this is where He wants me? I wrote to my pastor and asked him to agree with me in prayer about this matter and he said he didn't need to pray about this. He said that he knew that I was supposed to be there. He said that I just needed to come back and everything would work out.

What if he is right? What if he is wrong? I have found that in my limbo, I have been irritated more easily. I have found that those around me don't even know what is going on with me inside. I get frustrated because no one that I know and love really knows what heartache I am going through because of this situation. I wish that they did know... but it is easier to tell the world while sitting behind a screen, then it is to tell those around you.

Bottom line is this; I need God to speak to my heart about this. I need Him to guide me and direct me. I need Him to show me what to do. I need Him... period.

No Worries

Ray