There is a person that has just arrived back in my life from my younger years. This person was very close to me for many years. I would always want to impress this person and their family. They came from money... they came from privilege... and when I was younger, I thought that I should try my hardest to be a part of their circle. Now, fast forward about 15 years, and you will see a different picture. I have gained weight, I have a child out of wedlock, I work at Walmart for menial money... but I do not care who is or who is not impressed with my life. I am who I am... money, looks, or careers do not change who I am. Rather, they enhance who I am.
So, this person has been talking to me... asking me to hang out... asking me to come and party.... ugh. It makes my stomach turn. I am not the same person I once was. I have given all that up. I don't drink because it is not good for me to do so. I do not do drugs for obvious reasons. I enjoy sitting around with my daughter watching How It's Made on television. I like going to bed before midnight. I find peace in knowing that I will remember what happened last night.
Having said all of the above.... and having MEANT all of the above....
Why do I still have a little part inside of me that doesn't even want to meet for coffee because I do not want to be seen by this person. My weight doesn't usually bother me... but I do not want someone to be able to tease me for it either. I still have that thing inside that would like for someone to be impressed with who I am today.... and it is a shame that is still there.... because I have come along way. Yes, I still have a long way to go... but it would be nice if I was proud of myself... or at least proud enough to drink coffee with someone that knew I would never amount to anything.... and I proved them wrong.
No Worries
Ray
No comments:
Post a Comment