Parent Them... It's Your JOB!

There are people that believe in something called no punishment parenting. I have a list of why this rubs me the wrong way, so to speak... but I will just TRY and stay on topic. I do not want to point fingers and say that they are totally wrong. I also will not say that I agree 100%. 

Children CRAVE discipline, boundaries, and stability. By discipline, I do not mean 100% of the time, spanking a child. Sometimes discipline comes in the form of a talk.... sometimes getting something taken away... sometimes a time out.... and yes, sometimes a swat on the butt! 

I have found that too many parents are concerned with being their children's friend and not their parent. I am not concerned with how my daughter feels about my decision to let her do this one specific "cool" thing.... I am concerned with the outcome of her entire life. I would rather make an unpopular decision in her eyes now... than have her look back when she was 30 and ask why I let her be involved in nonsense.

IT IS OKAY TO TELL THEM NO!

Children NEED to know that the word NO will be said more than the word YES in real, adult life. One must prepare their children for the up's and the down's... they have to prepare them to fight and work for things. Instead, we have parents that think they should NEVER tell their children NO about anything. "Let them decide.... It's their life... It's their body...." THAT IS NONSENSE! If someone really felt like that, they should have let them run in the street every time they got close when a car was coming. By their way of thinking, they do not see discipline as a way to protect, teach, and raise a child. They see it as being mean and aggressive. GUESS WHAT??? If my daughter is doing something that might hurt her, I might just get aggressive in my tone... I might jerk her out of the road before the car gets there... and guess what?? SHE MIGHT CRY and BE ANGRY at me.... but, in the end, she will figure out one day that I had to protect her. Sometimes I am protecting her from others. Sometimes, when I am angry, I walk away from the situation... and this is an example of protecting her from me. But MOST of the time... I discipline her, in one form or another, because I am protecting her from HERSELF! 

Is it okay to have fun? Yes. Is it okay to laugh and joke around? Yes. Is it okay to teach them the things you know they will need to know later in life? Yes. 

Parenting is one of the greatest gifts that God has given us to do... I am afraid that too many people these days are treating it like they were given a dog that bites back when told no.... versus being given a human being that needs protection.

No Worries

Ray

Click HERE to read about the type of parenting I am talking about.

Mo Money... Mo Problems

I am so profoundly confused. I will be settling with an insurance company soon and will be getting some form of compensation from that. I am excited in one way.... but in another, I am scared. What could I possibly be afraid of? MONEY! 

I would love to pay my truck off. I would love to be able to start a business that I enjoy. I would love to be able to take a vacation... (because I have not had one in over a decade!) But, it seems to me that there are more people than I'd care to admit that are more excited for this settlement than I am. I want to do the right thing. I want to be able to help those in need. I want to be able to save and make my daughter's young adulthood easier. On the other hand, I want to be left alone about the money part.

I do not know how much I will actually get. My surgeries have to be paid, the doctors have to be paid, the attorney has to be paid, and the physical therapy bills have to be paid. I am thinking that maybe I should just get the check and run away. I do not want to run away because I cannot handle the money. I do not want to run away because I do not DESIRE to help people in financial need.... I want to run away because I feel that I might be utilized as an asset only... and not a person.

I will make it clear that not EVERY person in my life is doing this... but there is definitely a group that are salivating at that prospect of this money. The weird part is that I am not in that group. 

No Worries

Ray

George, Trayvon, and Jay Z?

George and Trayvon.... I have heard both sides of the story. I watched some of the trial. I read MOST of the transcripts. I heard many of the interviews... pre, mid, and post trial. I have come to my own conclusions about the entire thing but I am not writing about the verdict. I am writing about the celebrities that are boycotting Florida because of it.

Though the media is reporting about it in length... WE DON'T CARE! I have never been to a Jay Z concert and I didn't plan on ever going to one. Jay Z has been charged with illegal gun possession and now he is the authority on what gun laws should be repealed? Hey Jay.... YOUR ALBUMS SHOULD BE REPEALED! N*gga this.... N*gga that.... and you say that Florida is bad for the county as a whole? YOU, sir, are most definitely not the picture of MLK. You are more a picture of who stands on the corner on MLK Blvd. peddling drugs to their own community members. 

Stand Your Ground was not even used in the case as a defense.... so why boycott something that wasn't even invoked? You and the rest of the "artists" are doing what you do best... whoring out the people that you claim to love because they are your fans. 

How's that for the school of the hard knocks? Disgusting.

No Worries

Ray

Move On

I don't hate anyone. There have been people in my life that have done me wrong but I forgive and move on. There is one person that creeps under my skin though... He irritates my better sensibilities. I do not want to cause him any bodily harm but he treats one of my family member's with blatant disrespect and I get FURIOUS. I can imagine my face at this exact moment. Have you ever watched the cartoons where the character's face gets all red and smoke shoots out of their ears? If you can picture that, then you can picture me right now. 

How can someone be so ridiculous? How can someone say that they love someone yet disregard the feelings of the very person that they CLAIM to love? I have learned in life that words are easy to trust (because it is usually what you WANT to believe) but hard to rely on... and actions are hard to trust (because the truth is right in front of your face) but the MOST reliable. 

I will continue to say prayers for this person... but I will also ask God to remove Him from my life, but most importantly, from the life of my family member. 

Say one thing... do another? "A double-minded man is unstable in ALL his ways."

No Worries

Ray

Children.... Ugh

I only have one child. She is the most amazing individual ever.... well, at least she was. She is now 11 going on 35. She acts like she knows everything, she LIES about the DUMBEST things, and she is RUDE to me. I have tried all kinds of punishments... and it seems to work for a couple weeks and then she goes right back to being a.... PRE TEEN! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I don't know where the time has went. I remember when this little cute child wanted nothing more than for mommy to sit and talk with her, play games, and watch Finding Nemo. I love her.... that is why I am at such a loss. Parenting is not something for the faint of heart.... and, in my case, single parenting is NOT a walk in the park.

No Worries

Ray

Where Has She Gone?

So, my daughter is 11 going on 35. I try to have a balance of discipline and passivity. I try and give her the semblance of having her own privacy, all while trying to keep tabs on what she does and who she is becoming. I, apparently, have failed at the task. While talking with her grandmother, I was told that she had a Tumblr account. This is something that I was totally unaware of. I decided to speak with my daughter about this. I explained that if she wanted me to trust her, that she needed to be open and honest with me. I also explained that, when it came to anything online, she MUST ask me FIRST. She sounded like she understood and then the day went off without a hitch.

The next day, I decided that I was going to delete the Tumblr account because she is 11 years old, she has no business sharing anything with anyone at this age, and then the old... BECAUSE I SAID SO reason as well. I invited her to sit next to me while I deleted the account because I needed the login info and password. I also wanted her to see that I meant what I said about the entire situation. 

I was surprised when I found that the login information started with putting your email address in. She quickly told me what the address was. I asked if she just made that up or what it a real address.... I was horrified when she told me that it was HER OWN email. 

I decided to just continue with deleting the Tumblr account. After I did that, I checked her email and there were MANY things in there that were inappropriate for ANY person... forget the part that she is only 11. I guess I find some comfort in the fact that they were all NEW and none of them had been read.... but I was fuming at this point. (Usually, these are the emails that adults would call SPAM but CHILDREN don't know that there is a folder for things that are unwanted.) After glancing through the unread emails titles... I noticed that she was getting a lot of email from You Tube. I slowly turned my head to her and asked the dumbest question yet.... "Do you have a You Tube account too?" 

"Yes. I wanted it."

Dear Jesus, 

I will be a good mommy, a good Christian, and a good person if you would just tell me where my lil one has went and if you help me find her... because this punk that is currently cleaning out the closet is NOT my sweet baby.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Moral of the story? 

1. Keep your eyes PEELED when the kids are online... even if they seem like they always make the right decision. They are kids... and are bound to succeed at being one.

2. Make sure that when you decide to look deeply into what they have been doing... that there is PLENTY of cleaning to do in the house.

3. Don't ever punish while you are mad.... wait until you think of something REALLY crappy.... then and ONLY THEN do you tell them what the punishment will be.

No Worries

Ray

Proud Or Not So Much?

There is a person that has just arrived back in my life from my younger years. This person was very close to me for many years. I would always want to impress this person and their family. They came from money... they came from privilege... and when I was younger, I thought that I should try my hardest to be a part of their circle. Now, fast forward about 15 years, and you will see a different picture. I have gained weight, I have a child out of wedlock, I work at Walmart for menial money... but I do not care who is or who is not impressed with my life. I am who I am... money, looks, or careers do not change who I am. Rather, they enhance who I am.

So, this person has been talking to me... asking me to hang out... asking me to come and party.... ugh. It makes my stomach turn. I am not the same person I once was. I have given all that up. I don't drink because it is not good for me to do so. I do not do drugs for obvious reasons. I enjoy sitting around with my daughter watching How It's Made on television. I like going to bed before midnight. I find peace in knowing that I will remember what happened last night.

Having said all of the above.... and having MEANT all of the above....

Why do I still have a little part inside of me that doesn't even want to meet for coffee because I do not want to be seen by this person. My weight doesn't usually bother me... but I do not want someone to be able to tease me for it either. I still have that thing inside that would like for someone to be impressed with who I am today.... and it is a shame that is still there.... because I have come along way. Yes, I still have a long way to go... but it would be nice if I was proud of myself... or at least proud enough to drink coffee with someone that knew I would never amount to anything.... and I proved them wrong.

No Worries

Ray

I'm Selfish

I just got done looking at pictures on Facebook. My brother from another mother just left with his family to New York. I am sure that there are opportunities there that are not available down here... but I am selfish and wanted him and the family to stay down here. Because of certain circumstances, I was not even afforded the chance to say goodbye. That irritated me but only because it hurt my feelings. But, now that they are gone, I wish them the best and I move on from this place in my heart. I figure that there is nothing I can do about it now... so I might as well forget that it even happened. 

No Worries 

Ray