Arrogant People

I hate arrogance. When someone is full of themselves, I cringe. It is something that I truly cannot stand. So imagine my surprise when I figured out that I was the chief of the arrogant tribe! I shook my fleshly fist at an Almighty God. He didn't do what I would have done. I would have zapped me with a lightning bolt. I wouldn't be here if I was God. So, my question to myself was this... "Why am I trying to ACT like God?"

For those that read this, please understand that I never meant to act like this. I just became self-justified in my emotions. When you let your emotions rule what you say and how you act, you will eventually become an arrogant person.

I have found that I can not throw a little Jesus on my dysfunction and call it radical Christianity. I want to BE ok.. not just look ok.

So, on my old journey with new vision... bare with me... I am working hard to make HIM happy.

No Worries

Ray

Just for fun!!!

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Letter to Jesus

Dear J,

I needed to tell you a few things. I still love you. You have always been and forever are the man that holds my heart. We spent so much time together in the past. I remember when I would wake up in the morning and you would already have fresh bread waiting for me. I always enjoyed that time that we spent together the most.

I remember when you would protect me from anyone that tried to harm me. You always made sure that I was ok. You made sure that I knew that there was nothing, not even giving your own life that you wouldn’t do for me.

Do you remember when we would sit and talk outside when I sat next to the fire? I know that there were some times that I would drink too much—and even though you didn’t like me to do that, you would still be right by my side. You would still talk me through the rough spots.

I needed to tell you that I am not sure if we can ever be together again… I would like to try, but I don’t think that I am ready right now. I hope that the time comes that we can at least start talking again… then maybe we can communicate enough to rekindle this relationship.

I know that I broke up with you over your family… I don’t think that it was the right thing to do—but I hope that you understand that you have some people in your family that are just nuts. Even though I know and trust that you would have eventually stepped in and set things straight with them… the pressure that they were creating was unbearable. I understand that I didn’t talk to you about it before I left you—but I hope that you understand that I was just trying to save myself before they totally destroyed me.

I am still afraid of what your family can do to someone like me. If the time comes that we both can come together in a relationship, I hope that you can talk to them in a convincing manner and let them know that I am not up for sacrifice. I want them to know that I may not be someone that has been in your life for a long time… but if we get back together, I want you to make it clear that I am just as important to you as they are.

If you want to talk to me about this… you know where I will be. And again, thank you for who you are… because even though I am afraid of being back in a relationship with you… I still love you… and I know that you will always love me too.

Ray Ray

First Day Of Work

I couldn't sleep the night before my first day. I kept having dreams that my ride didn't show up. I would spring out of bed and be up for a few hours. I finally fell asleep and my alarm went off. I didn't hear it though... not that I remember anyway. My roommate walked in my room about a half hour later and asked when I was getting up. OMG... good thing I set it for WAY before I was supposed to be there.

I jumped out of bed "ninja style" and quickly went to the laundry room. I threw Olivia's clothes in the dryer so that they would be warm when I woke her up. I then scurried across the house to try and find the iron. I ironed my clothes and jumped in the shower. After getting the shampoo in my eyes... I remembered that I forgot to wake Olivia up. "Great... my eyes are stinging out of my head and my daughter is still sleeping."

I quickly rinsed off... forgot to condition my hair... jumped out... dried off... put... on... my.... I LEFT MY CLOTHES ACROSS THE HOUSE!!! (But I didn't have a towel that would fully hide my goodies... so I had to yell for someone to bring them to me.)

After that fiasco, I got Olivia up and brushed my teeth. *Looking down* HOW DID I GET TOOTHPASTE ON MY ONLY WORK SHIRT?? (Note to self: this is why I should brush my teeth in the shower like Rachel Richardson does!!!)

I got it off as well as I could and my ride finally arrived. I kissed Olivia... told her to have a great day and to not miss the bus... and off I went.

I finally arrived at the Wal-Mart at 7:50... I had 10 minutes to breathe before I went in there. My nerves are shot... I am tired... but I have a job. I am here! I am here! I am here!

I spent the next 8 hours staring at a computer screen. I listened to audio and video clips for a wide range of topics. It showed anything from how to wash your hands... to why Wal-Mart associates don't need to join a union.

My day would seem like it went all wrong... it would seem that things were not on my side from the start... but if you look closer... you will see a genuine smile on my face. I HAVE A JOB!!!

No Worries

Ray

Still Fat

I was so excited and full of energy when I was eating correctly and exercising. Now? Ugh...

I lost weight and then went to Baltimore... then came home and was still out of my "groove"... I have gained back all but 5 pounds.

In the journey of weight loss, I was thinking that I would just make the decision and BAM (like Emeril)... I would do it. But, this is NOT how it has turned out.

I have applied at the neighborhood YMCA for a scholarship because I cannot afford to just pay the regular rate.

Why am I disclosing this? Not because I am not embarrassed about it... because I am. But, I know that if I am not honest with myself and others... I will never be able to attain OR maintain my goal.

SOOOO.... there it is... I am still fat... I need to start again... but such is life.

No Worries

Ray

Laughed Until You Cried?? Try Laughing Until YOU PEE!!!

I try not to use public restrooms... for two reasons... #1- I don't want anyone to hear me use the restroom. #2- I don't want to hear anyone else use the restroom.

Fast forward with me now to the local Wal-Mart... I had to go the second I left the house- but since I was not driving, I couldn't turn around. It was about 8pm... we had eaten dinner and now my bladder was VERY ready to explode. I knew I would have to go when I got to the store- but, I was hoping that it would just go away until I came back home.

We pull up in the parking lot and I KNOW that I will have to go while I am in the store... I can't hold it anymore!!! (side note: this has happened to me since I was prego with my daughter.) I calmly walk inside the store... I am not doing any sort of pee dance or anything- but I am behind a woman that looks like she is!!

Of course, my luck, we are BOTH headed to the same bathroom. So, I go to the one ALLLLLL the way on the end... (somewhere in my head, that means no one will hear me pee I guess).... I neatly spread one ply squares of toilet paper on the toilet seat and then I begin to hover. I have to go soooo bad but it seems like my body is being a little shy... it actually HURTS to hold your pee until someone makes a noise.

As I am contemplating when I am going to let the first trickle out... I CLEARLY hear the lady FAKING A COUGH TO COVER UP THE LOUD GAS SHE IS LETTING OUT. If you have ever met me, you know that if I think something is funny-- I WILL LAUGH.

SCCOORREEEE!!! I begin to giggle... almost like someone is tickling me! I tried to stop but I couldn't help but notice that between HER FARTS and MY GIGGLING... NO ONE COULD HEAR ME PEE!!!

The woman then decides that it is a good idea to say, "I'm so sorry... it's just running right through me." I am NO LONGER AMUSED... I continued to giggle a little and said, "We all do it." But, I have to admit that she made me feel strange by speaking to me while she was obviously in a VERY embarrassing moment.

Moral of the story?? Laugh hysterically EVERY TIME YOU GO IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM! (No one will hear you... and you won't hear them!)

No Worries

Ray

Open and Honest

This one might be a little hard for me to actually get out. I am actually on the fence about writing it at all... but, in the light of being forthright and open with who I am... here I go.

I should be happy... I have a daughter that I obviously adore, I just got a job, I do not participate in things that are "bad" for me anymore... keyword- SHOULD.

I have found that the closer I draw the 30 (and no, I will NOT repeat something so profane again) I see that there are things that I wanted to do by now that seem impossible. I have conversations with my daughter and end up upset at the outcome of some of those conversations. I wanted to be married... I wanted to have a career (not just a job).... I wanted to be an author... I wanted to help people on a daily basis... I wanted to have my own home... My own car... I wanted good credit- but hey, I would settle for ok credit at this point. (Which on a side note.. my credit is so bad that I get "pre-declined" credit cards... lol)

I said all of this because these are things that I don't normally talk about to anyone... but I have found that holding it in is not doing well on my emotions... so, here it is. I am not content. I am living a life that I wish wasn't mine. I covet other people's lives... I have no idea how to explain the torture that this feels like.... it is what my life has become.

I see people divorcing all around me... I see people losing jobs... wars starting... faithful becoming faithless... honesty becoming relative to situations instead of it just being the truth... confusion plaguing my and my daughter's mind about religion and all that jazz.... It is everything that I didn't want... and now it is on my doorstep- banging on the door... demanding my attention. I just wish that hope was on my doorstep banging louder.

Take it or leave it... but it is what it is right now.

No Worries

Ray